Gods Must Be Crazy

It is that time of the year when one reminisces about the year gone by and takes stock of what has happened. Children have been born, marriages have happened, people have got divorced, people have passed away, new jobs, new courses, new careers, new friends, falling in love, breakups, good fortune, bad fortune everything has happened. Each one of you would have had some or more of the above. Some of you would have made huge progress; some would have had a roller-coaster year and for some the year would have been largely uneventful.

When I look back at what has transpired with me in the last twelve months, I think it I need to share it with the world. Twelve months ago, I was headed towards a simple uneventful year. Good job, decent money, lovely family, a cute four year rascal, some great friends, playing golf two days a week... life looked simple.

If any fortune teller had told me that by end of 2015, I would have quit my job, be on the verge of publishing my first book, be a regular blogger, preparing a digital media strategy for launch of the book, interacting with PR professionals to arrange media publicity, be consulting with a manufacturing company on production, playing golf on weekdays, lost some money, earning a fraction of what I was earning, commenced entrepreneurship, fallen in love once again, and still be happy, I would have laughed. I would have checked what the fortune teller was drinking or smoking. I would have said, even God can’t write such a script.

But it turns I would have been wrong. 2015, has really been an exciting year. Truth is stranger than fiction and the script could not have been written by anyone else other than God. In August 2014, I trekked to Tungnath, the highest Shiva temple in the world with my mother and a cousin. Lord Shiva is one who is said to smoke opium and drink bhang. By the time I reached the temple it was one in the afternoon. I am sure he must have had his lunch and whatever else, and must have been high, when I met him, which is when he blessed me by deciding to write my script. 

It all began with a life changing event. A friend from college passed away in February. This was the second such person passing away in the last six months. That’s when the fickle nature of life struck me. Everything that one works for, all aspirations which one postpones can come to a naught in a jiffy. I realised life is so uncertain, it is no point postponing the pursuit of your dreams. What is the point sacrificing today, for a better future, if there may not be any future? Carpe Diem has always been my motto, and seize the moment I did. I decided to quit my job to aim to play golf professionally. I am sure everyone in office and my family would have felt I have had a knock on my head. My family would have very easily sent me to a mental asylum, but then there was one catch, I am the sole breadwinner, so they put up with this.

I am sure when Lord Shiva was writing my script, he showed it to Goddess Parvati to approve. And like all wives, she made her presence felt, by adding Angels in there. After all, no script is exciting enough without the presence of Angels, other than the spouse. So the Lord agreed and has been sending Angels time and again to add twists and to bless me.

A lot of people ask me, how we plan our careers. My experience, over the last 20 years tells me, that it is very difficult to plan your careers. You have no clue what destiny has in store for you. There was no way that I could have planned what I have been doing. Many times opportunities knock at our doors, and we don’t open them, think too much about the risks, whether it is the right thing do, what if it doesn’t work out etc. I was telling a friend that I have been extremely lucky. He disagreed. He said that over and above luck, what I have done is I have been open to opportunity. I have taken risks. I still don’t know whether I have taken the right decision; one is right or wrong only in hindsight. So my advice to all you people out there is, take some risk, laugh a lot, dance to your heart’s content, have a few drinks, live life, follow your heart, spend time with your near and dear one and don’t take money and work too seriously. Keep that child in you alive and count your blessings.

Gods only know what script they have written for me in 2016. One thing is sure – it is not going to be an uneventful year. I will end this blog with the following words:

Aansoo hain jo sone nahin dete .....(Tears not letting me sleep)

Aur Sapne hain jo rone nahin dete.....(And Dreams not letting me weep)

Happy New Year and see you all in 2016

Coffee with Fat Fingers

“Mobile-only makes sense for Flipkart” , says Sachin Bansal of Flipkart (Times of India 8^th December 2015).

1986 was my first tryst with computers. Since then it has been a love hate relationship with technology. I love technology, but not sure that the feeling is mutual. Or maybe technology loves me so much, that it gets tongue tied in my presence.. the way I do in the presence of the women I have a crush on. Everybody who has fallen in love in their teens and early twenties, will understand what I mean.

In the 90s when I was young, I wished damsels fell in love with me.. but computers and printers did. My mere presence was enough to hang desktops and jam printers. Once I even made a great impression on a foreign damsel. I was at my client’s office and his son had just got an inkjet printer from the US which was a novelty in India at that time. The moment I entered the room, the damsel swooned and started crooning. It spewed out junk characters.... I understood the message, but my client was at wits end. It was only when I was out of the room, that normalcy returned.

 On another occasion, I was conducting an audit in a small village town called Kudal, on the southern border of Maharashtra. The moment I entered the computer room, the line printer got tongue tied and stalled. I could only laugh at my fan following.

With age the fan following has gone down, and my charm has diminished. Last week, I was invited for a dinner in Pune with my spouse, but unfortunately she could not join me. The host mentioned that I should have got my girlfriend. I joked that at this age and with this paunch, having a girlfriend is not possible. He said, don’t give up hope, you will be surprised. His words were prophetic, only this time, I fell in love and this blog is about my newest girlfriend.

Well she is young, beautiful, slim and desired by many. In the last twelve months, she has had hundreds of marriage proposals, but she is an eternal flirt. Some people have managed to go on a date with her, while she has dumped quite a few. She is so amazing, I am head over heels in love with her. If you have not guessed by now, it is... the app on my smartphone.

Today evening, I was a bit lazy to get up and switch on the computer. I wanted to know the movie timings in the nearby cinema hall, so picked the mobile phone and accessed the movie booking app. Last week we were in Nasik for a week and had accessed the app from there, so it returned movie timings for Nasik, while I wanted them for Mumbai.

I scanned the screen for the button which would help me change the location. She was looking back at me, smiling. Her smile was sunshine and enchanting.

 I was as tongue tied as I was twenty five years ago, when I went out with my first crush for the first coffee. Both of them said the same thing. “I know what your intentions are, but I won’t help you. I will play along with you and watch the fun. Let’s see if you can make me fall in love with you.” Flirting at its best.

 I was looking at her as I would look at all my crushes, tongue tied and not knowing what to say or in this case do. But the conversation had to begin. I could not spend my entire date gazing at her with stars in my eyes. If she had to be mine, I had to say something.

 On my first date, I asked her what will you have and she had said, “Juice.” I had to ask for the menu card.  Suddenly an idea struck me and I put my finger on that part which showed me my current location – Nasik. The menu and a list of cities appeared.

Chivalry demanded that I make the choice from the menu. Also the attempt to impress her means I have the same juice that she has. Only if our tastes match, is there a chance of taking this relationship ahead. I suggested pineapple and she wanted watermelon. I clicked on Mumbai, but she returned the search result for Bengaluru. Disaster - History repeats itself after twenty five years.

I did not want watermelon, and she was insisting on the same. Three times, I put my finger on Mumbai, only to return results for Bengaluru. Clearly the conversation was not going on desired lines. I tried to remember, what I did twenty five years ago. Yes, I told her that I did not want watermelon, and asked her to pick a flavour she liked.

I looked for a search box and found one. I put my finger in the box so that the keypad would get activated. Instead of activating the key pad, it returned search results for National Capital Region. After repeated tries, I gave up, got up and switched on my faithful computer.

I have since shared many coffees, but haven’t progressed beyond that for some reason. I seem to be incapable of succeeding in the art of wooing a woman. When I shared my predicament with an agony aunt, she told me, that I have fat fingers. Well, I can use a nail file to chisel my nails, but how does one chisel fat fingers without bleeding?

Thank God for the concept of arranged marriages in India, else I would have remained a bachelor. Spouses may not be glamorous, the technology may be old, but they are willing to live with fat fingers.

I am no longer willing to spend money in this pursuit (other than a few coffees). If a woman wants to fall in love with me, it has to be on the basis of my intelligence and accept my fat fingers.

However, hope is eternal, and I will continue in my pursuit of pretty young women. Yesterdays’s newspaper carried articles of Celebrities in Hollywood getting married to younger women, with the age difference being more than fifteen years.  It is time to upgrade my smartphone and explore newer apps. After all, Men will be men!!!