Mother Knows Best

Parenting is extremely difficult. I see that in the daily struggle my wife has when it comes to feeding my son. He is six years young (I refuse to call him six years old), but just doesn’t want to eat. On those rare weekends, when I am at home, I notice the stress my wife has to go through.

Early morning when my son wakes up my wife begins cajoling him to have milk.  He just ignores her. It is a spectacle watching her move from one room to another, chasing him, cup in hand. Sometimes he will relent, but only for a few minutes, take  a couple of sips and run away. On some weekends, he is bribed with the promise of a movie. On other days, he is told that unless he finishes his milk, he cannot go down to play. He is a bag of tricks and so is my wife. It is like watching two boxers spar in the ring. Each throwing a punch, ducking, weaving, running from one corner to another. Some punches land, some go in the air. At the end of the bout the mom wins on points in a very closely fought contest.

Now I know why even when the son is a 30 year adult, the mom asks, “Beta tune khana khaya ke nahin?” It gets ingrained in the DNA from birth of the child and extracting that strand becomes difficult later in the day. The daughter in law thinks that the 30 year old kid is being pampered, only to understand the emotion when she becomes a mother.

Seeing the stress that my wife undergoes, one day I  told my wife, “Why are you chasing him? He does not want to eat.”

I know women can kill by their looks, but this one was of a different kind. Standing few feet away, I could feel the embers. The fire in the eyes was slowly sucked inwards into the forehead, and then gravity took over. It travelled down and before it could reach the throat, with godly powers, it was channelled into the mouth. The lips slowly widened as the mouth needed more space to hold the embers. Standing a few feet away, it looked like a smile. Instinct told me I was going to be in big trouble. There was a nanosecond between the smile and the words coming out of her mouth. Never ever has a nanosecond been longer.

“Okay so it is your job to feed him lunch today. Best of luck.”

I was not prepared for this. It was completely out of syllabus, below the belt. But then the male ego took over. I decided to take it up as a challenge.

Lunchtime arrived and I was handed the food plate.  Firstly my son was very happy that for a change his father was feeding him. The first two morsels were eaten out of novelty (I prefer to think respect for the father). Then he just went to another room. The third morsel was interesting. I moved my hand towards his mouth and there came a counter punch. Literally. He lashed out at me with his right hand throwing all the food out onto the floor. Son 1- Dad 0.

“I dont want it, it is spicy.” I immediately kept the plate down, rushed to get some water. After drinking two sips, he says, I am done and moves to another room. I take the plate, try to balance the food while walking. My expertise in spilling the food from the plate to the floor throughout the house comes to the fore. I never knew I was so talented. Thirty minutes later, only four morsels down, I lose it and get angry and start spanking the kid, who now starts howling and runs to his mother. My incompetence is completely exposed.

Suddenly from the Random Access Memory of my computer the first story book that I read as a child flashes in front of me. It is about an indisciplined kid who goes to stay with Aunty Sue. The aunt calls him for breakfast, but he is sleeping. After the designated time, she takes away the breakfast and the kid goes hungry. She does not scold the kid but uses timely schedules to discipline the kid. After one day of going hungry, the kid learns the lesson.

I decide to use this technique. I shout at the kid and tell him that if wants to eat, he will eat on his own, nobody will follow him. My wife smiles, ignores my diktat, takes the plate from me and feeds the kid. For someone who is very senior at work, it is very humbling to note that his diktats have no value at home.

My stint at feeding the child ended there. That night, my wife took me out for dinner. Over a glass of wine, she started discussing my profession. I am in the Learning and Development Space.

“So Meghdoot, how many of your people ask to be trained?”

“There are a lot of people requesting for training programs”

“Do people ask for themselves to get trained, or do they ask it for their employees”

Those words had me thinking. In most cases it is the managers who request training programs for their employees. The L&D team thrusts training because it is mandatory. Hardly 1% of the people ask for training for self development.

“Don’t you specify a minimum number of training hours which every employee needs to undergo? What will happen if you don’t mandate the same?”

“They will not undertake any training. Their development will be stopped. They will stagnate.”

“Now do you understand, why your Auntie Sue theory will not work? Children are like your employees. They do not know what is good for them. If they don’t eat, they will suffer from malnutrition and their immunity will be weak. Food needs to be pushed down their throat.”

That evening, I learnt a huge lesson on Corporate Learning from a mother. I now wonder whether online learning is effective. The narrative is that it is available in small chunks, at the time the learner wants it. The question is, if you don’t feed the child, and leave the food on the table for him / her to eat whenever it wants; will it go down the throat or the drain?

Mother always knows best. Happy mothers day.

Winning isn't everything

24^th March 2018, will go down as a monumental day in the history of cricket. On this day, sometime in the afternoon, a visual came up on screen of Cameron Bancroft, a young Australian cricketer trying to use a yellow coloured piece to alter the condition of the ball. A few minutes later, another visual came up on screen, where he was trying to push it down the front of his trousers.

A huge uproar broke out in the entire cricketing fraternity. It was speculated that if a young Mr. Bancroft was trying to alter the condition of the ball, this would never be without the knowledge of the team think tank. In the evening, the smokescreen cleared. Steve Smith the young Australian captain confessed that it was a plan from the team think tank to try and make some impact on the game. He confessed that some senior players in the team were in the know of the plan, and that they acted out of desperation.

While it was extremely brave to come out and confess, their hands were forced by damming circumstantial evidence. As an immediate impact, Smith and his deputy David Warner have been stripped of their captaincy and vice captaincy respectively. Australia as an entire sporting nation is in shock at this development. Even the Australian Prime Minister Michael Turnbull is outraged at this incident. At the time of writing this, the cricketing future of both Steve Smith and David Warner is uncertain.

The similarity of this incident to Corporate Behaviour is unmistakable. To me this incident isn’t any different from a Company trying to cook its books to show better profits. Or any policy to bribe an official to get that favoured contract. Or an action to mis-sell the product to achieve sales targets. There are two elements that need analysis.

Whatever the outcome, one cannot dispute the fact that Steve Smith is an extremely talented batsman, maybe among the best among his generation. While he has definitely put in the hard work and hard yards, there is no mistaking the fact that he is used to winning; used to get great returns from his batting. He sets very high standards of himself. This in itself is a double edged sword. When the expected results are in danger of not matching to the expected high standards, is there a fear of failure?  And if so can a high achiever cope with failure? If not, will he resort to unfair means to pre-empt failure?

A similar danger is very evident in Corporate Life where the high performer gets into a leadership position. For a supremely talented and intelligent person, initial success comes very fast. He / She is a high achiever both in school as well as University. Even when they come into the workplace, they are the ones who achieve targets, and even get promoted faster. However as levels rise, the challenge starts getting tougher. These super achievers are so talented that they will even surmount the tough challenges. However there will come  a time in their careers where the next target isn’t easily achievable. These people aren’t used to ‘not achieving’. I will not use the word failure but use it as ‘under achievement’ as per their standards. It is when these people may try to use different, maybe unethical methods to achieve their success.

So my piece of advice to managers and HR people is this. Whenever you see a super talented person and a super achiever, go slow on him or her. Delay that promotion. Tell him / her that even though their performance was great, they need to spend more time before they are eligible. This will be their first test of ‘under achievement’. See how they deal with this. It will be a test of their resilience. If they survive and come out with flying colours, you are creating great talent. If they leave in pursuit of greener pastures, be happy, you have protected your organisation from potential future damage.

The above is a generalisation, and some people will always do the right thing.

Let us now examine the role of Cameron Bancroft, the youngest player of the team. I am not sure whether he was entrusted with the task, or he overheard the conversation and decided to do it on his own. A lot of young leaders will blindly follow the instructions of the boss even if they are border on the infringement of the law or morality. Or some of them would try and achieve success to please the boss. As young professionals I would request them to use their judgement. Please do not do anything wrong or morally incorrect just to get success. It will impact you in the long run.

If I were part of the Indian cricketing fraternity, this would be an opportunity. As I say, Steve Smith has already stepped down as captain of Rajasthan Royals. If I was in charge of Indian cricket, I would recommend rescinding the contracts of Smith and Warner from the forthcoming Indian Premier League. Would the punishment be too harsh? Maybe yes. But for a sport which is flirting with controversy, it is time to send a message.

After all, winning isn’t everything. Winning in the right manner is.

Impressions

The new year began in  a very interesting fashion. At one side there were people celebrating the victory of a 200 year battle. Then there was a spectrum of people wondering what was there to celebrate when it was a victory of the British against Indians, thereby colouring the event as anti national. This led to protests and the financial capital of the country coming to a halt. There was a disturbing video which was circulated on whatsapp where one of the rioters was a small boy who would be no more than seven years young. On a day when the streets are infested with rioters,  and heavy police patrolling, which parent would let their small child out on the streets. The whole episode was very clearly politically motivated.

Does the seven year child understand caste? Very clearly he has been brainwashed and tutored. Impressions made at these age are lasting and I am extremely sad to see, a young mind being poisoned – for life.

It is a political game, and I don’t know which end of the political spectrum indulges in this. The fact is it is an extremely dangerous game played by the politicians to foment sectarianism. I think a large part of the public recognises this game and the verdict will be out at the ballot booths

In the midst of this, I came across another event. An acquaintance who was once a relative was anticipating a surgery.  I would have met this lady maybe half a dozen times. However a bond was formed by interaction through social media. It was simple respect for each other, nothing else.

It is through facebook, that I came to know of this lady’s surgery. Simple courtesy and natural curiosity led me to seek more details. The answer came as a shock. This young lady in her thirties had decided to donate a portion of her liver. Along with the liver, even the gall bladder is removed. I later came to know that the liver grows back. It would be a life threatening surgery.

Think of it, she didn’t need to do it. There was no pressure from anybody to do so. Which sane person in his / her prime of health decides to give away a part of their body? I know people who have donated kidneys, but then the body does have a spare kidney. And most of the times kidneys are donated to blood relatives.

Here she was having a great career, a full life to live up to, deciding to undergo a part of her body just to save someone’s life. Knowing fully well, that there could be complications. The surgery could be life threatening, The predicted side effects would be hernia, jaundice, hyper acidity and other digestive problems. Some of these side effects could be life long. Her normal movements would get restricted for some point of time, if not permanently. There will be pain, infections. Anything could happen.

We live in an era of instant gratification, crass capitalism and materialism. Success is measured by the size of your house, model of your car, cost of your mobile phone and dream vacations at exotic destinations. In this era, someone decides to risk her life for someone else’s is really special.

I asked myself the question, would I do it and the honest answer is no. In times where people make impressions on social media to advertise their success, Pranali has achieved greatness. No amount of growth in the career, money, fame etc. can match what Pranali has done. Pranali, take a bow, for me you are my heroine, my inspiration.

In this era of vitriolism, it is important to tell stories which make lasting impressions. Between caste divides and sacrifice, I choose the story of selfless love and sacrifice – towards another human being. May god give me and others the strength to take a similar decision if the time comes.

Makar Sankranti, marks the first day of sun’s transit into Capricorn, marking the end of the month with winter solistice and the beginning of longer days. May the sun keep shining bright in your life, Pranali.  Here’s a toast to your good health. Cheers