Ek Ladki Bheegi Bhaagi Si...

I was woken up by the hard landing of the Indigo flight on the runway at Mumbai airport at midnight. After training for 8 hours daily, continuously for five days, I was as tired as one can be and looking forward to a quick ride home and lots of sleep. I picked up my baggage and moved to the multiple taxi counters picking one by using the eeny-meeny-miny-moe method. When my turn arrived, the attendant received a call from somebody. After answering the call, she asked me whether I am fine with a lady taxi driver.

In a half asleep mode, I said yes, but was wondering why did this question arise? I am not averse to lady drivers. Since childhood, I have seen women in the family drive. There are quite a few ladies driving in Mumbai, and hence I was wondering about the appropriateness of this question. I decided to explore this question during the one hour taxi ride home.

Veena was not a day older than thirty and had a slim frame. Her figure could give any of the models a run for their money. She was not just size zero, but maybe a size negative if there is anything like that. The torrential rain was dripping into her teacup, which she expertly balanced on her mobile phone in one hand. She offered to take my suitcase with the other hand. I am sure the suitcase weighed more than her. Thankfully chivalry is a virtue I have learnt since childhood.

I started having a conversation with her. Apparently, even single women travelers, refuse cabs driven by ladies. They don’t seem to be convinced about the driving skills of the lady. Interestingly a lot of these women, may themselves be driving cars, but don’t trust a lady cab driver. Hypocrisy is alive and kicking.

Veena’s husband had ditched her leaving behind three kids. Two years earlier, she used to cook food at people’s houses. One of the families encouraged her to learn driving, and get a license. And now here she was driving a rented cab.

Her eldest son who was 9 years, had failed in school. So she decided to send him to a boarding school, with the hope that the discipline would help him study. She also wanted to send him away from her neighborhood, where the local boys would have a bad influence on him. Her daughter who was 7 years, was sent to a missionary school, as she did not have time to take care of her. Her younger son of 5 lived with her. The neighbors took care of the five year kid every day.

Veena dropped me home at 130 in the night and then would reach her residence by 230- 300 a.m. Then she would get up in the morning, do the house work and start her car by noon. She has to pay a sum of 850 rupees to the car company, daily, irrespective of whatever she earns. A car breakdown, or accident or a political rally, strike will hit her hard. Over and above this, she has to spend on diesel and then if she makes any money, she will use it for her household expenses I am sure she would struggle to save more than 1000 bucks a day… and no weekly off. No support system, no manager to listen to her grievances. And she was not complaining, she was happy that she was able to support her family in a dignified manner. She was not blaming her situation on anybody, no blaming government for increase in diesel prices or increase in price of dal. She was too busy making two ends meet. I am sure she starts her day with hope in her eyes and a revenue target. No corporate employee can ever understand the meaning of revenue targets as Veena does. Reality bites these people and how.

We as middle class complain about an increase in service tax by 0.5% sitting in the comfort of our air-conditioned homes. I now know why we complain - we have time and are overpaid. We work hard for our living, but do not have to struggle, the way a common man does. These people are too busy making two ends meet, to think about Krishi Kalyan Cess or whatever. This girl’s size negative was not due to eating less carbs and working out, but simply because of forced dieting. I am sure she skipped a meal or two to ensure that her children got two square meals

After listening to her story, frankly I had a flurry of emotions. I wondered, whether I will be able to manage a situation where I lost my job. How will I be able to deal with deprivation? What happens if so many things which I take for granted, go away? I was scared!!!

I was ashamed at myself for complaining about the unfair and unjust (from my perspective) appraisal system at work. There was a fixed amount coming in the bank at the end of the month, I had nothing to complain about

That rainy night, Veena taught me a huge lesson of life – I need to be grateful for what I have. Veena has one quality which I doubt exists in me – resiliency and the ability to fight back. It was my biggest motivational lessons ever. Salute to everyone who works hard for a living. 

Infidelity

No, I am not going through a bad marriage. I love my wife, like her company, but one of the reasons we still have the spark in our marriage after fifteen years, is infidelity.

It is an open secret that I love so many people over and above my wife. The list of people I have loved begin with Kapil Dev, John McEnroe, Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid, Virendra Sehwag, Sanjay Manjrekar. Currently my favourites are Jeev Milkha Singh, Anirban Lahiri, Virat Kohli and Ajinkya Rahane. In case you are worried about my sexual preferences, let me add Chris Evert, Steffi Graf, Gabriela Sabatini, Jhulan Goswami  to the list, with my current heart throbs being  Saina Nehwal, Ritu Rani, Rani Rampal, P.V.Sindhu and Heena Sidhu. No Heena Sidhu is not Navjot Singh Sidhu’s wife, she is an international shooter in her own right and is a medal hope at the forthcoming Rio Olympics

Last month my parents completed 45 years of marriage. That is more than a lifetime of staying together. Notice I used the word ‘staying together’ and not happy married life. By the way ‘Happily Married’ is an oxymoron. Last twenty years, I have seen them greet each other early morning ‘politely’ with an argument.  Then the acidic politeness continues throughout the day. It’s a wonder they are not killing each other.

Then I reflect on my own marriage which has completed nearly fifteen years.  I slowly realise both of us are going our parents way. And then I look around, I find that a lot of people are all in the same situation. The only good thing that me and my wife do, is we clearly ensure our paths don’t cross during the day. I work for 12 hours, sleep for 6 and travel for 3. In spite of just having three hours, we manage to find time for arguments. There is a Hindi movie song, which goes as follows, “Where is the time to hate, when there is so little time to love?” Today the situation, is “Where is the time to love, when there is so little time to argue?” I am sure thirty years later we will be as severe as my parents.

There was one more interesting thing about my parents’ generation. Along with having one spouse, quite a few of them were also married to their jobs. It was not uncommon for them to work with one company throughout their entire careers.

A marriage is similar to a job. The first two years, are the honeymoon period. Then differences start developing and slowly reach a point where we can’t stand each other

When I look back at my career, managers seem to be great at the beginning of relationships. Slowly they start developing faults.  I then start having differences in the actions of my managers and my organisation. The increment is not good, the rating could have been better, we could have handled this issue differently, my manager does not stand up for me; everything is bad. My constructive criticism is viewed as cynicism. I then get into a negative spiral, where I try and see negative even in any positive action of my manager or organisation.

I am sure, even my manager experiences similar feelings about me. I am sure he /she thinks my enthusiasm has waned, am no longer as committed, have become lazy. He / She thinks that I am resting on my laurels and am no longer self-motivated. He / She finally concludes that I am well past my expiry date.

What do we do? The organisation tries to give me a bad rating, or a low increment, hoping that it will help me pull up my socks.

My reaction? I think the organisation and manager is against me. The manager thinks that an experienced person like me needs no motivation. I think the organisation will not improve, sulk and stay in a corner, become more and more silent at meetings. I am accused of not contributing; I think, what difference will my views make, manager is not going to listen to me. I become more cynical, my performance dives further.

There is no such thing as ‘Negative Motivation.’

Be it a marriage or a job, the courtship and honeymoon period is the most productive. Both parties put their best foot forward. Somewhere along the way, we start taking each other for granted.

I think that is the reason, I keep on changing jobs every few years. I have taken a few risks, some of which have paid off and some haven’t. But end of the day I am happy. Am I satisfied where I have reached in my career? I believe I have underachieved, and could have done more. Is it a result, of changing jobs frequently and not building a career? Don’t know.

The solution is Positive Encouragement. Be it me and my manager or me and my wife, we need to get into a heart to heart conversation, sort out the issues. We need to keep reminding ourselves of the reasons for which we entered into the union. The spark, the fire needs to be rekindled every now and then for a fruitful long term relationship. Remember, people leave managers not organisations. My advice, is if the current manager is not able to excite you, look at another manager who will. Change managers and roles frequently but think twice before changing the organisation. After all relationships are like wine, they take time to mature.

Thankfully society does not allow me to change spouses so frequently. Else I would be bankrupt paying alimony. Be it a marriage or a job, boredom is a classic recipe for disaster. Familiarity breeds contempt, which can be a breeding ground for infidelity.