Parenting is extremely difficult. I see that in the daily
struggle my wife has when it comes to feeding my son. He is six years young (I
refuse to call him six years old), but just doesn’t want to eat. On
those rare weekends, when I am at home, I notice the stress my wife has to go
through.
Early morning when my son wakes
up my wife begins cajoling him to have milk. He just ignores her. It is a spectacle
watching her move from one room to another, chasing him, cup in hand. Sometimes
he will relent, but only for a few minutes, take a couple of sips and run away. On some weekends, he is bribed with the promise of a movie.
On other days, he is told that unless he finishes his milk, he cannot go down
to play. He is a bag of tricks and so is my wife. It is like watching two
boxers spar in the ring. Each throwing a punch, ducking, weaving, running from
one corner to another. Some punches land, some go in the air. At the end of the
bout the mom wins on points in a very closely fought contest.
Now I know why even when the son is a 30 year adult, the mom
asks, “Beta tune khana khaya ke nahin?” It gets ingrained in the DNA from birth of the child and extracting that strand becomes difficult later in the day. The daughter in
law thinks that the 30 year old kid is being pampered, only to understand the
emotion when she becomes a mother.
Seeing the stress that my wife undergoes, one day I told my wife, “Why are you chasing him? He
does not want to eat.”
I know women can kill by their looks, but this one was of a
different kind. Standing few feet away, I could feel the embers. The fire in
the eyes was slowly sucked inwards into the forehead, and then gravity took
over. It travelled down and before it could reach the throat, with godly
powers, it was channelled into the mouth. The lips slowly widened as the mouth
needed more space to hold the embers. Standing a few feet away, it looked like
a smile. Instinct told me I was going to be in big trouble. There was a nanosecond
between the smile and the words coming out of her mouth. Never ever has a nanosecond
been longer.
“Okay so it is your job to feed him lunch today. Best of
luck.”
I was not prepared for this. It was completely out of
syllabus, below the belt. But then the male ego took over. I decided to take it
up as a challenge.
Lunchtime arrived and I was handed the food plate. Firstly my son was very happy that for a
change his father was feeding him. The first two morsels were eaten out of
novelty (I prefer to think respect for the father). Then he just went to
another room. The third morsel was interesting. I moved my hand towards his
mouth and there came a counter punch. Literally. He lashed out at me with his
right hand throwing all the food out onto the floor. Son 1- Dad 0.
“I dont want it, it is spicy.” I immediately kept the plate
down, rushed to get some water. After drinking two sips, he says, I am done and
moves to another room. I take the plate, try to balance the food while walking.
My expertise in spilling the food from the plate to the floor throughout the
house comes to the fore. I never knew I was so talented. Thirty minutes later,
only four morsels down, I lose it and get angry and start spanking the kid, who
now starts howling and runs to his mother. My incompetence is completely
exposed.
Suddenly from the Random Access Memory of my computer the
first story book that I read as a child flashes in front of me. It is about an
indisciplined kid who goes to stay with Aunty Sue. The aunt calls him
for breakfast, but he is sleeping. After the designated time, she takes away
the breakfast and the kid goes hungry. She does not scold the kid but uses
timely schedules to discipline the kid. After one day of going hungry, the kid
learns the lesson.
I decide to use this technique. I shout at the kid and tell
him that if wants to eat, he will eat on his own, nobody will follow him. My
wife smiles, ignores my diktat, takes the plate from me and feeds the kid. For
someone who is very senior at work, it is very humbling to note that his
diktats have no value at home.
My stint at feeding the child ended there. That night, my
wife took me out for dinner. Over a glass of wine, she started discussing my
profession. I am in the Learning and Development Space.
“So Meghdoot, how many of your people ask to be trained?”
“There are a lot of people requesting for training programs”
“Do people ask for themselves to get trained, or do they ask
it for their employees”
Those words had me thinking. In most cases it is the
managers who request training programs for their employees. The L&D team
thrusts training because it is mandatory. Hardly 1% of the people ask for
training for self development.
“Don’t you specify a minimum number of training hours which
every employee needs to undergo? What will happen if you don’t mandate the
same?”
“They will not undertake any training. Their development
will be stopped. They will stagnate.”
“Now do you understand, why your Auntie Sue theory will not
work? Children are like your employees. They do not know what is good for them.
If they don’t eat, they will suffer from malnutrition and their immunity will
be weak. Food needs to be pushed down their throat.”
That evening, I learnt a huge lesson on Corporate Learning
from a mother. I now wonder whether online learning is effective. The narrative
is that it is available in small chunks, at the time the learner wants it. The
question is, if you don’t feed the child, and leave the food on the table for
him / her to eat whenever it wants; will it go down the throat or the drain?
Mother always knows best. Happy mothers day.
